What to Say When Your Child Doesn’t Get the Role They Wanted

We know it’s hard when your student reads the cast list and their initial reaction is disappointment. We know because we’ve been there as professional actors. 

We also know these are the times we grew most as actors and human beings! As a parent, this is where your response can make a real difference. Your child takes their cues from you, and how you react can have a huge impact on their excitement about their role and participation in the show. Not only for the sake of the show, but more so an opportunity for growth. 

We’re talking about opportunities that encourage students to develop life skills they’ll use well beyond the stage. 

It’s normal to strive for that lead role, but sometimes we are cast in the ensemble. Often, students are cast in the ensemble intentionally because of their strong vocal and dancing skills (see The Importance of Ensemble blog).  Shifting a student’s mindset to understand this helps them see the positive in a situation where they expected a different outcome. 

This doesn’t only happen in theatre. We may not get into our top college, we may not land that coveted job, and we just may not get the lead role. At PAA, our goal is to help students gain confidence and life skills no matter their role (see 7 Skills Learned Through Musical Theatre blog).

Part of PAA’s mission is to inspire excellence beyond the stage. Below are a few ways to help your student navigate not getting their desired role.  These words of encouragement simultaneously recognize your student’s feelings while inspiring personal growth – a skill that will stick with them for life! 

“I’m so proud of you for doing that audition. That takes so much bravery.”

“I know you wanted to be Annie; let’s be sad about it today, and then tomorrow we can go through the script together and highlight all the exciting parts that you are in!”

“I bet they saw how hard you worked on your audition and are so excited to have you in the show.”

“I’m sorry it isn’t your turn to be a lead right now, but that doesn’t mean the team didn’t see all your potential.”

“You got a featured ensemble role! That means you get to have lines on stage! How exciting!”

“I bet there were a lot of talented kids in there, and you’re one of them, because you’re in the show!”

“Oh my gosh, how fun that you are going to play an oompa loompa! I bet you’ll get to be in so many fun dances.”

“Let’s look at all the songs you’re going to be in and listen to them together!”

“I bet that character gets a really fun costume. What do you think it will look like?”

“If you want to get some feedback about your audition, let’s email the director and ask how we can be better prepared next time!”

“Sometimes we get a part with a lot of lines, and sometimes we get a part with a lot of singing and dancing. Both can be a lot of fun!”

What to Avoid

Try to avoid saying things about other actors or suggesting that your child “deserved” a part they didn’t receive. This can create confusion and resentment toward their castmates.

Instead, remind your student that every role matters and that they were cast in their role for a reason.

PAA provides a creative outlet that inspires kids to become the best versions of themselves while building life skills and boosting their confidence. Auditions and casting are part of that journey.

Learning to find the positive and make the most of an unexpected opportunity are skills that last far beyond the stage.

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